19 December 2007

On Endings

All good things eventually come to an end. Everyone is on a different path. Sometimes those paths cross and join for a while, and friendships blossom, and then a while later they uncross and go off in separate directions. Sometimes they loop back around and cross again later, but not always - when they do, the two people that shared paths before might well be two completely different people with a different relationship the next time.

Letting go is good when an end does come. It's good to recognize when it's time, and to do it gracefully instead of clinging vainly on, which can sour the ending. And it's good to not think about endings while things last, but to enjoy every moment as they come.

And sometimes, a path can lead away not from another person, but from a community or an activity.

I came to a fork in my path a long time ago. I've never been good at letting go. Instead of making a choice, one or the other, I keep trying to do both. But with each new door that opens on the path I need to choose, the other path drags me back. I'm trying to go up the middle and I keep running into trees.

It's time I stopped that. RPoL was very good to me for the past four and a half years, but I can't do it anymore. I've been trying to deny the inevitable, trying to recall the enthusiasm I once had from ever greater depths, but it just isn't there. I need to let it go.


Rebelcat said...

Well, as long as you stay in chat and/or in touch. Even if I think RPoL will lose a dedicated and good GM/player.

I understand the feeling, having had those thoughts myself. But for now I have some games that still makes me go on.

bakho said...

Yea, I know the feeling. Though I don't think I'm that far gone.:P But, I hope that doesn't mean we'll stop seeing you in chat?

And also, I'm taking this as a sign the Mage game is a no-go?:(

Janiece Murphy said...

MWT, follow your heart. When a hobby becomes a chore, it's time to find a new hobby.

Megadeus said...

I'm sorry to see you go.

Does this mean you'll be leaving the chat channel, too? That would eliminate about half of the fun conversations we have in there...

MWT said...

I'll still be in chat. Heh, top concern of everyone else, huh. ;)

The mage game will be on hold, yeah, though I'm hoping to get back to it eventually if I ever get out of this deep burnout. I'll stick with the games I'm already in until either they come to their natural ends, or there looks like a good place to write me out (playing being much easier than running, hopefully that'll work okay).

Anne C. said...

(Heh. I see the cross germination now.)
It seems like one of the hardest times to let go is when you know what's best for you, but you don't want to disappoint those related to the issue.
As Janiece says, "follow your heart." :)

MWT said...

(Yep. ;) )

Yeah. I'm trying to figure out how to tell my game about this. Makes me feel like a failure to have to do it.

Sam said...

It'd be better to leave and move on gracefully than to let everything fall apart entirely. Good luck.

Anne C. said...

Interesting coincidence, I was just having a conversation about failure with a friend of mine. In fact, I may post about it.
In a nutshell: Failure should not be considered negative. It's a byproduct of taking risks. Also, it is in the nature of things to end. If that ending is called "failure" AND is perfectly natural, how can failure be bad?

MWT said...

Well, it's not a natural ending for the game. In fact, the plot was just starting to take off - and now I'm still sitting there staring at the threads I can't work up the inspiration to update, thinking I want to do it, and getting stuck in gridlock over whether to update them or just write the "I quit" message like I should.

But I'm looking forward to how the crossback of germination comes out. ;)

Anne C. said...

Hee! Working on it. :)

One could say an antelope being eaten by a tiger is abrupt, but it doesn't make it any less natural.