18 August 2008

Headlines of our Lives

Apparently we're having another UCF Bonding Event this week, so here's my placeholder post in case any of them land here. :)


Anonymous said...

Good, because I was just writing one for you! :)
Marine biologist MWT shot to fame with the award-winning Discovery Channel show Study and Stir Fry, where small, distinctive fish are filmed underwater in their native habitat, dissected on camera to show their distinctive physical characteristics, then cooked in a number of appetizing ways for an appreciative studio audience.

MWT, the enigmatic mastermind and producer, is noted for never actually being seen or heard on the show.

MWT's land- and sea-based operations are under constant surveillance by Greenpeace's Biosafety Protocol group because of efforts to create a full scale, sentient fire-breathing dragon. Thus far, the best result has been an overheated Komodo dragon with gallstones and acid reflux.

Janiece said...

Mysterious Marine Biologist Wanted for Questioning

The mysterious marine biologist known only as "MWT" is wanted for questioning in connection with a new breed of carnivorous, man-eating fish.

According to University records, MWT has been working in secret for years to genetically engineer a fish whose flesh has the distinct flavor of chives and basil. Evidently, the carnivorous nature of the fish was an unintended side effect.

Several swimmers have been attacked by the Genetically Modified species, which can be identified by their pleasant smell and large, hooked teeth.

University officials have been unavailable for comment, but people who have eaten the flesh of these fish report they're delicious and easy to cook. "Just mind the teeth!" joked one anonymous friend.

Nathan said...

Noted Marine Biologist Combines Knowledge of all Things Sea-Related to Chinese Takeout

MWT, who rarely surfaces, is now on the cutting edge of Tip Technology in Chinese Takeout Windows. Experiments have proved successful with a form of sea-life that looks just like a tip jar. Built into the tip jar's genetic code is the ability to differentiate between a hand reaching to leave a tip and one reaching to take money from the jar. In the latter instance, the orifice of the jar clamps down on the wrist of the offender. Concurrent with that event, a spray of squid ink is shot into the face of the offender.

This is all seen as a great leap forward.

MWT said...

*dies laughing*

Thanks guys. After all that futile math, I needed that. :)

Random Michelle K said...

MWT, I posted yours on my site.

If you read it, you'll understand why I posted it that way instead of randomly.

Tom said...

Local Journalist Reverses Position, States "A 180 Is Easy!"

MWT, a one-time scientologist and ex-Marine, the creative genius behind the "Back Fence" gossip column, in an unexpected statement issued earlier today, announced a complete retraction of previous policy statements. When queried as to the reason behind the reversal, MWT stated "Modification of policy in a smaller degree doesn't make much sense. Farther to the Left or to the Right is easy, but inconclusive. The only thing left to do was an about face, or a rotation of exactly 180 degrees."

The Science Quarterly Letters, a professional journal, was contacted, but the SQL query returned no results.